Sunday, July 4, 2010

Fourth of July Resolutions

I love holidays just for the reason I can compare life from year to year. I do it with my children at their birthdays, my husband and I on our anniversary...and life in general at Christmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween.

Not Easter. Don't ask me why-- perhaps it is in the Spring, as I do have an aversion to pollen and warming temperatures in general-- but I don't really "do" Easter.

Today, on the Fourth of July, after who knows how many years, I finally decided to not celebrate. I don't know why. I really don't like hot dogs, hamburgers or cookouts. I can do without potato salad, thankyouverymuch.

So, this year, as I conciously didn't celebrate the Fourth (with the exception of the required fireworks), I thought about what I want. Or, exactly, how I don't know what I want anymore.

Over the past several years, I've lived a very goal-driven life. And while I can't say I reached all my goals, I did reach many, and it felt good. Then, I got to a point where those just weren't my goals anymore. Things no longer interested me. I wanted something else.

While I've spent almost two complete blog-free years, plus a year without conciously trying to abtain freelance work, I'm still not sure what that "something else" is. When you reach your goal and write for The New York Times, plus several other magazines, where do you go?

I went on an adventure of life. An adventure that required moving across the country to a climate and locale quite different than the one I was used to. I left everything (and everyone) behind and started over.

Life has treated me well over the past year. I've done okay.

But...yet...I feel as if I'm at this point...a point where I'm trying to figure things out.

So, until I can, I can continue to work on those things that made me start up Betty Crocker in the first place: the house, the kids, the days, the food, the exercise...all these things that make up the day to day experience... yet leave me feeling completely lost on a daily basis.


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