Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm Not Crapping My Pants

I hear that some Moms always tell their children to wear clean underwear in case they get in an accident. You know, say one day you're walking down the street and BAM, a car runs into you. You have to go to the hospital as you are now missing an arm.

The paramedics are cutting off your clothes and then, uh oh, you're wearing your dirty skivvies. They all laugh. They laugh so hard they can't reattach your arm.

And then you die.

I personally like to wear clean underwear so that I don't stink like a dirty sailor...or in case Dr. Derek Shephard is the attending surgeon when I go to Seattle Grace for my brain tumor. I hear hot attending surgeons need to know that you're wearing clean drawers.

Good gravy...where am I going with this?

So, clean skivvies. You keep them clean, just in case. That's the same thing with my house. I've come up with a whole new thinking that helps me keep my house clean: What if I die tomorrow and my family has to come to my house to help out?

Do I want them to remember Dead Betty by her dust bunnies and unwashed clothes? NO! I want them to see my nice and clean house and feel at ease while they plan for the large memorial for me.

(Death references at two, so far.)

In case I don't drop dead any time soon, it is also important to keep your house clean in case someone stops by. No one ever stops by my house except for these crazy guys who are always selling meat from their truck. I don't trust truck meat, so I finally told them I was a vegeterian and shut the door.

But! You never know. You just never know if someone is going to show up to hang out just like you never know if someone is going to run you over on the street.

(Death reference: three.) cleaning finally payed off! Just after 11,  we were finishing cleaning up lunch when the door bell rang. My kids, the loons they are, screamed "DELIVERY" and took off running. I ran after them, assuming Meat Truck Guy had shown up once again. There, to my surprise, was my neighbor.

She was in her pajamas and I heard something that sounded like "phone." Honestly, it took a couple of takes before I finally figured out she was locked out of the house and her 1-year-old was still inside.

Luckily, the kid was happily watching Elmo. In fact, she probably shut her out just to get extra time with that red furball on crack.

So she came in and my house was in pretty darn good shape. A few toys out, but that was about it. And I got to say "oh sorry about the mess, we were just finishing up lunch."

And it felt good.

In fact, so good, that I'm going to make sure I always wear pretty panties now...just in case. Because if I can have a clean house and someone I know knocks on the door unexpectedly....then hell must be freezing over.


Alice said...

Oh dear, me and my house are in big trouble ;) Glad to see you back writing :)


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