Demons

When I was in Junior High, I'd get hung up on the idea of "good" and "bad" days. As in, oh no, I dropped my pencil and it left a mark on my white shirt! BAD DAY BAD DAY BAD DAY!

Abort! Abort!

I finally got to the point where I stopped doing that as constantly labeling a day "good" or "bad" is really setting yourself up for something.

But, I'm serious here...I'm having a BAD DAY.

But, what can I say? When you spend your days at home with Moody and her little brother, Whiny, what do you expect? Usually, Moody sets it off. She has a bit of a controlling personality at times and if I decide not to give in to whatever demands she has at that moment, you can forget it.

All Hell breaks loose. The world will no longer spin on its axis and, also? All of the fire and damnation of 1,000 beasts is aimed right at my head.

I've been getting over being sick. So that puts me in a bit of a down mood. I'm planning a Halloween party that has quickly turned to s-h-i-t. (Spelling it out, mommy-style.) People can't come! Other people are showing up late! I can't get invitations to some people because they have stopped attending homeschool events while other people don't respond to emails.

Also...how exactly do you find someone in the phonebook when all you know her is as "Audrey's Mom?"

So with the pressure of a Halloween party that's turning to crap, the sickness that won't end and my child acting as if she's posessed by Marilyn Manson, I'm starting to lose it.

A glass jar is dropped on the floor. In that moment, every single "you're not allowed to say that" word came out of my mouth. Stupid, hate, dumb, idiot...plus a few more "choice" words that won't make it to the Internet. (No they weren't used to describe my children, but the whole situation.)

What I'm realizing about this whole "experiment" of sorts is that it gives me control. I LIKE control. Control makes me feel steady, makes me feel accomplished, even if all I accomplished is sweeping under the kitchen table after lunch.

All these little bumps in the road are taking away my control. The sickness, other people's commitments,  my child's complete and total inability to just CALM DOWN ALREADY...it just gets to me. And when I feel as if my goat is, in fact, gotten, I start slacking in other areas.

I have to learn that when things don't go right in one area that it doesn't give you a "get out of jail free" card to let it all go.

I need to turn that lack of control into a mean, lean cleaning machine. Or at least someone who can put the laundry into the washer.